"Oh MY.. You DO have your hands full!"
"Wow, you have your hands full, don't you?"
"You've SURE got your hands full!"
***
Oh I could keep going, because I've heard them ALL. The number of times in a day, week or month that I hear this phrase is either tragic or comical. Or something. The truth is I don't feel tragic, but I'm also not laughing.
See, what people say and what they mean and not the same thing. And when people say this to me, based on their tone, inflection and expression, it becomes clear that they mean one of three things:
1. "Have you heard of birth control? You do know how babies are made, right? Because no one of functioning intelligence would have aloud themselves to become entrapped in a situation so inconvenient. Why on earth don't you have a nanny?"
2. "If you absolutely MUST have children there is no reason why the rest of the world should have to be exposed to the inane chatter and malodorous wafts coming from your offspring. Kindly keep them locked in your house where they belong, and you should probably stay in too unless you are willing to shower and dress like a civilized human being. Have you no pride?"
3. "Oh my I remember those days! Your life is a swirl of joyful chaos which you will someday miss, so don' wish it away. I know you haven't slept more than 4 hours in 6 years and you can't remember the last time you wore makeup or got into a car that wasn't infested with the crumbs of fishy crackers and the smell of week-old spilled milk... But enjoy every moment! It will be gone before you know it and you will miss every greasy-haired day of cleaning up bodily fluids amidst the lively sounds of your toddler screaming. These are the days that dreams are made of!"
***
Can I just say, I hate this phrase. "You've got your hands full." Such an efficient way to belittle, insult and condescend to the mothers of small children. Because if you are going to state something SO obvious that it goes without saying, then clearly you are trying to express something other than the words you are actually speaking. I do not need your opinion on my life choices or parenting style. You also don't have the faintest idea what circumstances drove me to venture out in public today, but I can assure this, it is not recreational. Also, I love my children and I love my life, but it is not humanly possible to enjoy every single moment. Some moments, many moments, are down right awful and I am not being ungrateful if I wish them away as quickly as possible.
Please, dear public, do me a favor, the next time you see a woman with any number of small children, be it in a restaurant, grocery store, mall, department store and especially Target, do not comment the shear overwhelming mass of humanity that she is attempting to wrangle. Instead, tell her she is doing a good job. Tell her that the world needs more mothers like her, who devote themselves body and soul to the bringing up of the next generation. Tell her she is strong and brave and beautiful. Tell her that her children are charming and well-behaved, even if it is barely true. Tell her that you appreciate her sacrifice of self, because it will mean a better tomorrow for the entire world.
